One Month

I can't believe how fast this month went! It's amazing seeing how much Addison has grown and changed, and how much we both have learned! Some things Addison has learned this month are:

• Smiling - a lot, but at nothing in particular, usually in her sleep.
• Finding her mouth with her fist so that she can suck on it - she used to miss her mouth most of the time.
• Holding her hands - this is the cutest thing. She will hold one hand with the other when she's nursing, or when she breaks out of her swaddle, but especially when one hand is in her mouth, her other hand looks to be holding it there.
• Pushing up with her legs. She has some strong legs, and will push off of my stomach if I am trying to hold her against my chest and she doesn't want to be there.
• Looking at the mobile on her swing. She just started doing this last week. I put her in her swing and she became mesmerized with the little toys on the mobile, they weren't spinning, or making noise, but she loves to watch them now.
• Turning her head to find me when she hears my voice. As a new mom, this makes everything worth it, to know that she knows my voice and wants to find me.
• Following Brad and I with her eyes. We have to be pretty close, but she will be able to keep her eyes on us if we move...most of the time. :)

Official one month stats: 7 lbs. 14 oz. 20.5 in. long

You Always Round Up

Today we went and had another weight check. Drum roll please... 7 lbs. 2.8oz. Sooooo close, but no cigar. The nurse wrote on the little chart, or at least she said, 7 lbs. 2 oz. But, here's what I'm thinking. When she was born they weighed her and she weighed 7 lbs. 3.6 oz. and they said 7 lbs. 4 oz. So, if they round up her birth weight, it is only fair to round up her four week weight too, right?!! So, I'm going to say that at four weeks she weighs 7 lbs. 3 oz., only one ounce shy of her birth weight. And by Sunday when she is officially a month old she will undoubtedly be back to (and hopefully beyond) her birth weight. So it's taken her awhile to put on weight...someday she will greatly appreciate that fact! The doctor was pleased with her gain and didn't want to see us again until her two month check (I don't know what I'm going to do without my weekly doctor's visits, haha). And, I am pleased with the way she is eating and the way she seems satisfied after she eats. All in all, a great report - not exactly what I was wanting - but still a great report. She's just my itty bitty, petite little girlie... :)

An Ounce at a Time

The last three weeks have been full of so many emotions, so many triumphs, and so many struggles. Some days I feel like I am super mom and have finally figured it out and can really do this thing. The day that follows a day like that is usually a day full of I have no idea what I'm doing, I don't know why she's crying, or how to be a good mom feelings. Recently I have moved away from the whole dramatic despair feelings and more into, ok - I don't know why she's crying, but I can figure this out - even if I just have to sit and hold her all day. I think that that has helped me more than anything - realizing that for now this is my greatest responsibility and it's ok to slow down and just hold her if that's what I need to do. Right now the laundry is not the most important thing - don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to the day when I will figure out how to get the laundry done, dinner made, and the house cleaned - along with taking care of Addison...but for now taking care of Addison might be all I can do, and that's ok.

Our biggest challenge in the last three weeks has come in the form of ounces - whoever knew I would be obsessed with each little ounce! Addison was born at a healthy 7 lbs. 4 oz. Not too big, not too small, a very normal weight. Most of you probably know that it's normal for a baby to lose some of their birth weight. I was told about 10% was the most a baby should lose, and they are to regain that weight by about day ten. On Saturday when we left the hospital Addison weighed 6 lbs. 11 oz. Not too bad, but we were told that she probably shouldn't lose anymore. On Monday we had a doctor's appt., the first thing they did was weigh her, she weighed 5 lbs. 15 oz. She had lost almost a pound in a day and a half. Not a good thing for a brand new mom with crazy hormones to find out - that her daughter was starving. :( We soon found out that she was jaundice, hence the reason for the dramatic 18% weight loss. She was too sick and tired to eat. So, Addison had to do phototherapy in our home Monday - Wednesday. Which means she was in her diaper lying on a little light bed all the time except for when she was nursing. So hard to leave my newborn there when all I wanted to do was hold her. But, I also knew that she HAD to gain weight, and this was going to help. On Wednesday she weighed 6 lbs. 4 oz. and her jaundice levels had decreased. YEAH!! :) A week later she had her two week check up, time for weight check... 6 lbs. 4 oz. ... WHAT??!! She hadn't gained an ounce in a week, babies should gain at least four ounces a week at first. UGH. So frustrating. And she was in the fifth percentile for her weight, another discouraging thing. Can I just say that breastfeeding is hard - really hard - and not for the reasons I thought it was going to be hard. So, we scheduled another appointment for the next week. Weight check - 6 lbs. 12 oz. WOOHOO!!! And then we went on Friday and she was 6 lbs. 15 oz. yeah for progress! :) But, this is week three and she is still not up to her birth weight, so another doctor's appointment was scheduled for the next week. We go tomorrow and I will let you know how it goes. The coolest thing though, was after last weeks appt. I went to talk to the lactation consultant and she was able to weigh Addison before I nursed, and then after and tell me how much she had eaten. She ate 2.5 oz. which I was so excited about and it helped me not to feel like a terrible mom that wasn't feeding her daughter. I have also had amazing encouragement from some ladies here that have had some of the same struggles, that has been a huge blessing and has helped me get through this.

So, that has been our main focus - gaining weight. Hopefully we are almost passed that. I feel like this post conveys the message that I am discouraged, but as I sit here typing with one hand because my daughter is curled up sleeping in my other arm, I can't think of any greater blessing than this opportunity that I have been given, to love and care for this beautiful little girl. I am so blessed! :)

A Quick Glimpse at Three Weeks

The last three weeks have been wonderful, but completely full - with no time left over for blogging. I feel like I have been absent from anything other than my little world of Addison for awhile...and honestly, that's ok wiht me. :) But, right now - at least for now - she is napping, and I am not, and I thought I would quickly attempt to catch up my blog.

I'll start on August 19th. That was the Wednesday I checked into the hospital. At about 6 o'clock Brad and I went and had a wonderful dinner at On the Border (that's where we met and where he proposed, just fyi), kind of our last date night before the baby. Then, it was home, shower, pack a few last minute things, and off to the hospital. Let me back up, we decided to induce on August 20th. So, the week of, I went to the doctor, and of course nothing was happening yet, so he wanted me to go to the hospital the night before so they could start Cervidil. So, Wednesday night, that's what they did - started Cervidil and then said goodnight. Try to sleep when you know you're going to have a baby the next day!! The next morning we were awakened at 5 a.m. and praise the Lord, I was dilated to 2 or 2.5, I don't remember exactly. Anyways, I was thrilled, I though this is going to be easier than I thought. LOL. Little did I know the day that was ahead. They went ahead and started my pitocin to get my labor started. Around 7 the doctor came in and broke my water, and a little after that they gave me an epidural. Let me just tell you that next time I will wait until I think I'm going to scream before I get an epidural. I hated it, I hated it going in, I hated feeling the pressure of it, I hated feeling the needle against my bone (tmi??), I hated the sore spot on my back every time I moved, and most of all I hated the tingling sand feeling in my legs that lasted the next 15 hours. Now, I know I shouldn't complain as I didn't feel very many contractions, and that's what I kept telling myself - this is a lot better than what it could be - but I still hated it! Anyways, to sum it up it became a very long day of very little progression. Everytime they would check me I would have great hopes...and then they would be dashed as I would find I had dilated half a cm, or maybe one at a good hour. Haha. But, the nurse was very encouraging and kept telling me that I was progressing, I hadn't stopped completely, there was still hope for a regular delivery. However, at about 5 o'clock (starving at this point - hadn't eaten since On the Border the night before), the doctor came in and said the baby wasn't turned the correct way. She was looking up and apparently a baby in that position is very hard to deliver, and he started talking C - section. I was so discouraged! I had been there all day long, trying to have this baby and in the end they were going to do a C-section?!! I could have done that at 7 a.m. and saved all the rest of the days troubles. Well, the doctor tried to turn her, but apparently she was not having it, I think he got her on her side, but said she would probably flip back over. So, the nurse rolled me way over on my side to encourage Addison to either stay like that or hopefully go ahead and flip all the way around. The doctor left saying if she hadn't turned, and I wasn't completely progressed by 6:30 then we would go into surgery. I kind of freaked out. He was putting a time limit on me?!! I understand it's not healthy for the baby to not be born within twelve hours of your water breaking, but at this point that gave me about thirty minutes. I thought how in the world was this going to happen? Well, you better believe that we all started praying like crazy, I'm not entirely sure, but I think my mom texted all of her phone book to ask them to pray. A few minutes before 6:30 my nurse brought in a more experienced nurse to try and turn the baby again before the doctor got there and made his decision. Well, the prayers were answered, the baby was ready to be delivered...with literally about two minutes to spare before I would have had a C-section. It's amazing to me to even think about it now. So, at 7:00 I was ready to push and at 7:25 p.m. they laid Addison Elizabeth on my chest. I could not have been more excited to see her wrinkled up little face. The most amazing, indescribable moment in my life.

I know I said you would get an update on three weeks...and that is still the plan...but this post has to end as it is time for Addison to eat. So, I will post the events of the last couple of weeks, with pictures, soon - maybe :) - and for now just leave you with the labor and delivery story. I hope it makes sense, I am a tad sleep deprived. :) Thank you all for your prayers, and encouragement, they have meant the world to me!!