Giving Myself Time

Hi Blog readers...if you're still there. If not, I understand. I know it's been awhile...like ten weeks. I know that that is a long time. But, like the title of this blog says, I've been giving myself time to adjust. It has been an amazing and almost indescribable ten weeks, but in the next few weeks I'm going to attempt to update my blog with things like Emmeline's birth story, her one month and two month posts, and Addison's two year old post...and maybe more...we'll see.

Here is the problem that I have. For the last ten weeks I have not gotten a full night's sleep. We are starting to get there, and Emmeline sleeping until about five-ish is doing wonders for my fatigue level, but still I can get pretty tired during the day. So, I start my day with less than a full night's sleep. I then add one extremely active and high energy toddler. Which then equals my crashing at nap time. Then, I get up at the end of nap time and once again have a very active, slightly more cranky toddler to take care of. Add picking up the house and fixing dinner and by Addison's 7:30 bedtime I'm ready to crash. BUT, my little perfect during the day Emmeline turns into a different little baby at about 7. She gets these crazy eyes and only wants to be held and suck on a pacifier until 10. At 10 I feed her, put her down and then literally crash into my bed...to start it all over again the next day.

So, if you were paying attention you might have noticed that my "personal time" during the day is the one hour that I lay down to nap, and right now a nap is my priority. It is becoming less and less of a priority and I'm looking forward to not needing a nap during the day, but for now I'm still giving myself that time to lay down and rest. Which means, I don't have any time to blog, that's right, zero, zilch. You might be wondering how exactly I'm blogging now. The answer is kind of sad, but it's simple. My sweet Emmeline got her first round of shots today and she is extra sleepy from them, so she is actually sleeping in her crib right now. It's amazing and I soooo look forward to when this is the norm and I have my evenings back. Soon, soon. :)

But, that's where I've been...giving myself time to adjust and slowly working back into a new normal. Hopefully I'll get those posts up soon. Thanks for hanging with me!! :)

The Night Before

So...I go in tomorrow to be induced. Friday was my due date, she is not here, I am progressing, she is getting bigger...and so we are ready to get this show on the road. :)

The night before you know you are going to have a baby is kind of weird. I mean, what do you do, how are you supposed to act, supposed to feel... I feel like I should be doing everything one last time, and yet my mind is in such a weird place that I don't feel like I can do anything.

With Addison I was completely oblivious to everything that was about to happen. I don't have that luxury this time. I know what is going to happen, I'm more aware of the risks and what could go wrong, I know how my life is going to change (at least I somewhat know), and I know that tomorrow could be long and tiresome and most definitely painful. I also know that that pain won't matter for too long, as I get to meet my beautiful baby girl. So tonight, instead of concentrating on all of that, with the exception of getting to meet my baby girl tomorrow, I am thinking of all of the amazing ways God has brought me through this pregnancy. I am thinking about how I know God is faithful and will be faithful for the next twenty-four hours as I labor and deliver. And, I am thinking about how God is bigger than all of my reservations, all of my worries, and all of the adjustments that are going to come to our family of three.

As I mentioned, God has been so faithful throughout this pregnancy to bring me through whatever the doctors have found, whatever the doctors have said, and whatever fears I have had. This song is one that I feel He has played for me not over and over, but only in moments when I needed to hear it.

Safe - Phil Wickham
To the one whose dreams have fallen all apart
And all your left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think you're on your own
But you're not alone
Have you heard of the one who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong it never lets you go
No you're not alone.

You will be safe in His arms, you will be safe in His arms
The hands that hold the world, are holding your heart
This is the promise He made, He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart, you will be safe in His arms.

Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you now to rise
So hear him now, He's calling you home. You will never be alone.

You will be safe in His arms, you will be safe in His arms
The hands that hold the world, are holding your heart
This is the promise He made, He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart, you will be safe in His arms.

Cause these are the hands that built the mountains, the hands that calm the sea
These are the arms that hold the lame, and they are holding you and me
These are the hands that heal the leper, pull the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to the cross to break our chains and set us free.

You will be safe in His arms, you will be safe in His arms
The hands that hold the world, are holding your heart
This is the promise He made, He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart, you will be safe in His arms.
You will be safe
You will be safe
When everything is falling apart, you will be safe in His arms.


The first time I heard this song was shortly after all the doctors and nurses seemed to be thinking that this was not a viable pregnancy. My heart was truly feeling "tired and broken," and God was reminding me that I was not alone. That He was holding me, and that I was safe in His arms, regardless of what happened.

The next significant time I heard this song was when the doctors thought Emmeline's little heart would not be able to function properly outside of the womb. Woa! That seemed almost unbearable, and as I was driving away with this information I turned on my car, and the words, "the hands that hold the world, are holding your heart" came over the radio. Wow, what an amazing God. Suddenly, this song was just as much a promise to my little unborn daughter as it was to me. No matter how her heart was when she was born I knew God was holding it.

Then, finally, everything began to smooth out. She was growing strong and healthy, God healed her heart as far as the doctors could see and I heard the song again. This time I heard the promises that God had given me through this song, but more than that I heard the words, "Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life, is the very same voice that calls you now to rise," and I was almost overcome with the thought that, no my little girls do not know this. They do not know God's promises, they do not know of all the things He is capable of. And not just that they don't know this, but that it is my responsibility to teach them this. And more than anything in the world I want them to know this God and serve this God that I know and serve.

So as I go into tomorrow, that is what I am going to be concentrating on, the promises God has given me through His Word, the ways He has been faithful to see me through this pregnancy, and how amazing and awesome the privilege of being a mother is.

And now I am ready...can't wait to meet this precious baby girl that God has entrusted into my arms for a time. Praise the Lord for miracles!! Thank you for your prayers!! I'll update as soon as I get my head back on straight...no telling when that will be. :)

Nesting

With ten days until my due date I feel like I am in a constant state of preparation, and my mind is always thinking of any thing I could possibly do now to make our transition with Miss Emmeline a little easier. Not only am I constantly cleaning, but things like routine trips to the store have now become a search for things that would be good to have on hand after the baby comes. Like today, I bought four cans of green beans to have on hand as sides for the meals I have frozen, and four jars of chicken sticks as easy meals for Addison. Along with frozen fruit and veggies in case we don't get a chance to get fresh produce for awhile. I am constantly picking up our house, just in case, and making lists of things that need to be done. Really, she just needs to get here, because let's be honest...these lists are never ending. Laundry never stops, dust never quits settling, dishes are always getting dirty, bathrooms always need to be cleaned, and the pantry and fridge always need restocking. For some reason I did not have these feelings with Addison...I think it has something to do with being a full time stay-at-home mom now...just like as a teacher you get your lesson plans all ready for your sub while your away. Getting the cleaning, food, etc. all together before Emmeline comes is like my version of getting my lesson plans ready for my sub.

What has hit me lately, though is my overwhelming desire to spend as much time as possible with Miss Addison. And this creates an interesting dynamic when mixed with all of the things that I'm trying to get done plus my severe lack of energy. But, I suddenly feel like I need to spend every second possible with her before both of our worlds are forever changed and it is no longer just she and I. I have been very blessed in the last week with some very sweet moments with her, at the park, and running through sprinklers, discovering ABC's, and learning to count to three. Running errands, picking out a new pair of sunglasses, silly faces, playing animals a million times, learning new songs, laughing as we play pretend, picking out cookies, cuddling, blowing bubbles, and coloring. I am so thankful that we have had these moments together recently. I know we will still have special memories together after Emmeline arrives, but these first almost two years with Addison will be cherished memories as I was learning how to do this mom thing, and getting to spend most every day with just the two of us.

Hmmm....this is not at all what this post started out to be...I guess I will try to write the post I was intending to write tomorrow. I guess for some reason I needed to write this one too. :)

38 Weeks

Well, last week was full term, and now this is just another week...number thirty-eight to be exact. Thirty-eight, and counting...can my belly possibly get any bigger?! I guess we'll see, haha. :) How far along: 38 weeks

Size of Baby: my ultrasound at 36 weeks 6 days measured Miss Emmeline to be 7lbs., so she is probably at least 8 lbs. by now...Addison was born at 7lb 4 oz...oh dear. :)

Maternity Clothes: I strongly dislike getting dressed in the mornings! But, my mom got me this super cute, fun necklace to wear with my not so attractive clothes to make them cuter and I think more than anything, make me feel better. :)

Gender: don't worry, Miss Emmeline Kate is still our little girl.

Movement: someone has forgotten to inform our little Emmeline that she is out of room, she just keeps kicking and moving like crazy, but at least she is in the correct position for delivery - if she doesn't wiggle her way out of it!

Food Cravings: lime ice cream bars (made with real lime juice) - they are phenomenal, you should try them!

Food Aversions: hmmm...there's got to be something that doesn't sound good...

What I Miss: my lap, bending over, being able to stand close enough to the sink without having to bend to do dishes, Addison fitting comfortably in my lap, clothes fitting comfortably (I'm just talking about maternity clothes, I'm not even thinking about regular clothes yet)

Sleep: my nap from about 2-3 everyday is about the best sleep I get

Symtpoms: reflux, yuck! and crazy emotions

Best Moment this Week: some sweet, sweet friends threw me a little baby shower to celebrate Emmeline. It was so wonderful and so much fun to celebrate all God has done in the last 38 weeks.

What I am Looking Forward to: going into labor...honestly, I can't wait. I didn't get to go into labor naturally with Addison and I am truly hoping that I get to this time. If you want to pray that with me, that would be great. :) Also, I'm looking forward to getting to see my sisters who are coming when Emmeline comes (or shortly after), and getting to see my brother who will be home from Hungary on my due date! But MOSTLY, I'm looking forward to meeting, holding, and loving on my sweet baby girl, Emmeline Kate. :)

Maybe this will be my last pregnancy update?? In the, oh so frustrating, words of my wonderful doctor, "I guess we'll see, won't we?" ;)

Salon Time

Last Thursday Addison got her first haircut. I was super nervous about how she would do, but I actually think she not only didn't mind it, but kind of liked it. She got a lot of attention, got to look at herself in the mirror, and eat a snack or two. Haha. It is nothing drastic, obviously, there's not that much there to begin with. We just trimmed the back and evened up the sides a bit. Now she has a cute little bob. Side note: Brad had never heard of a "bob" and was very disturbed that his daughter got a "bob" haircut, lol!

THIRTY SIX!

That's right, we have made it to THIRTY-SIX! One more week and we will be FULL TERM. WOOHOO!!! :)

Goodness, look at that belly. Although the best part of this picture is the little girl in the corner that is amazed by mommy's "big tummy." :)

How far Along: 36 weeks

Size of Baby: 6lbs. 18 1/2 in. (website estimate)

Maternity Clothes: only the most comfortable ones. I don't last long in anything other than yoga type pants and maternity tees. Although, I am still putting on more decent clothes to go out of the house.

Gender: A GIRL!...and her name will be....Emmeline Kate (of course it's not on her birth certificate, but we have been calling her Emmeline since about week 19. :)

Movement: Her movements are not quite as rolling and all over the place, but she is still pretty active at the same times each day, but her movements just now feel like boney little arms, knees, and feet moving around.

Food Cravings: ice water!! This is unusual because I don't normally drink water with ice. But now the more ice the better, don't worry...I think this has more to do with how hot I've been rather than an iron deficiency or something. I'm not craving chalk or anything, so I think I'm good. :)

Food Aversions: I wish!

What I Miss: Rolling over at night without having to sit up. That's right, I can't roll over in one fluid motion...so pitiful.

Sleep: I know that everyone says that the weeks before you have the baby are to prepare you for the lack of sleep you will get. But, honestly holding a baby and not getting sleep is completely different than insomnia, having to go to the bathroom, not being able to get comfortable, hip pains, rib pains, etc. that keep you from sleeping. If I'm not getting sleep, then I at least want to be holding a sweet little baby!! Needless to say, sleep is as pitiful as my rolling over these days!

Symptoms: Increasing Braxton Hicks...praying these contractions turn into real contractions in the VERY near future!

Best Moment this Week: Getting Emmeline's room (almost) finished, realizing I have less than a month to meet this precious little girl, and realizing I haven't thought about her heart issues (or lack of!) all week...Praise the Lord!!

What I am Looking Forward To: My ultrasound on Thursday. Can't wait to see this little girl again, would prefer seeing her in person, but will easily settle for her precious image on a screen.

So much for...

...keeping a pregnancy journal. Ahhh...who's got the time?! Let's try to get a few more pregnancy entries in before this sweet little girl makes her entry into the world! :)

34 Weeks

How Far Along: 34 weeks

Maternity Clothes: yes, all the time. I even splurged and bought two pairs of maternity pajamas as I had become so uncomfortable in any pajamas that I already owned.

Movement: Crazy moving little girl! She "rolls" my stomach all over the place. She has made all of the ultrasound techs and nurses trying to get a picture, or a heart beat laugh in frustration over her activity. I do have to say though, that when we went in to see the pediatric cardiologist she was the most still she has ever been, except when he needed to see a different angle, then she would roll right into the picture he needed. He even said she was the most cooperative baby he had ever had...what?! Such a huge God thing, that I'm sure seems so little to most people, but trust me having spent the last 34 weeks with this girl I know it was huge!! :)

Food Cravings: lime ice cream bars

Food Aversions: not anything I can think of

What I Miss: sleeping through the night

Sleep: see above...can not get comfortable! :/

Symptoms: not many

Best Moment This Week: Brad and I spent an entire weekend by ourselves. My parents kept Addison and he and I just hung out, ate out, relaxed, and even bought a car...haha. Great mini baby-moon weekend. :)